The State of My Mind

Photo by Wallace Chuck from Pexels

Like many others across the world, I’m currently in a state of controlled chaos. I feel as though I’m caught between watching the newest Armageddon movie and living some surreal version of it in my own life. With Social Distancing in place, and fear of this “hidden enemy” at the forefront of my mind, I must confess that my brain has been exploding (imploding?) with possibilities, questions, and theories.

As I watch the “infected” and “death toll” numbers increase, not just day-by-day, but hour-by-hour, I can honestly say that fear permanently resides here. This is absolutely terrifying. The unknown is my anxiety’s worst enemy. And there is nothing about this whole situation that is truly “known” except that people are dying. People are fighting to live. Not just old people. Not just those with underlying conditions. Healthy young people are fighting for their lives. But still, there’s something else … something beneath the surface … something is stirring …

I do not, for a single second, believe that this is solely about this virus or the state of our medical health. There is more to this. Politics. Conspiracies. Lies. Wars.

This is not just about a virus that, while absolutely terrifying and increasingly deadly, has still not killed more people than the flu. (Note, I am not comparing the actual virus to the flu, I am well aware that we do not know the consequences of this virus yet, and that it is NOT the flu. I AM, however, fully aware, that as of now, the death toll is not anywhere near this year’s flu death stats and yet, the world is shutting down.) This alone tells me that there is more to this than we are being told.

With that being said, I [along with many others] have sought answers and have found things that have, to put it bluntly, blown my mind.

I have never been a real “political” person. I followed the top headlines. I voted based upon the information main-stream-media (“MSM”) presented. If a topic became “hot,” I looked a little more into it, so I could stay up-to date with social conversations. But essentially, I have always been one with unpopular opinions and politically incorrect beliefs. So, I am ashamed to admit that politics is something I have always just stayed on the sidelines of.

Until recently.

The state of our nation no longer allows me [or you for that matter] to stand on the sidelines. We can’t be “half-assed” in understanding what is happening around us. And, after some research prompted by my own curiosity and desire to “know more,” I must say, my entire belief system is no longer set in stone and I am questioning everything.

Every. Fucking. Thing.

Conspiracy theories. Politics. Religion. Truth.

It’s all on the line. Nothing is out of bounds. [Well, some of this shit is too farfetched, for me, at this time.]

It started with a post by a friend in which he openly shared his own state of mind and offered his views, supported by the views of many, many others. I felt a tug.

That led me here:

And from there I was led back down a road I’d visited briefly back in 2006/2007 while researching for a college speech. [I did that speech on the VeriChip.] And it was at this moment I wondered why I stopped researching all those years ago? Was it the fact that people told me I was crazy back then? Perhaps. Maybe I had too much to deal with in my life as it was. Maybe I wasn’t ready to question everything I thought I knew. I don’t know.

Enter Q.

I am, by no means, an expert on Q or the Anons, the cabal, Gadreel, Luciferians, Nesara/Gesara, NWO, Revelations, or any of the other ideas/theories I’m finding. I am just scratching the surface. But, what I have learned thus far is more than just “interesting” and too damn coincidental to actually be coincidental. As said by QAnons, “How many coincidences before it becomes mathematically impossible?”

Free-thinking is based on exploring “what-if” scenarios. My list is long. I have always been a what if type thinker, hence the anxiety that plagues me. This, however, seems to go beyond simple scenarios. There’s more to it than curiosity. And it’s not just me. I am not alone.

I fully expect to be told that I’m losing my mind. After all, I wondered the same about others when I was looking in from outside. Now that I’ve opened my eyes and am questioning everything, I see things from a different perspective.

For now, I’ll continue researching. I’ll keep heading down the rabbit hole, letting my curiosity and endless need for knowledge to drive me on. I do not want to close my eyes again. I do not want to be blinded by MSM or the opinions of others. I do not want to raise my children to be sheep.

For now, I’m signing off. I’ve a lot to do during this Social Distancing – but I’ll be touching base more often, whether to update on what I’ve learned and how my beliefs are changing, or to share my writing, or just to be my sarcastic self. Either way, know that I’m still here and I’m awake.

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