The lasting effects of domestic violence and abuse are not always black and white. As I'm learning to accept the harshness that was my reality, better understand the ways in which the abuse I endured have shaped the person I am, and am growing into the person I was meant to be - I'm realizing that this struggle is long, hard, and lonely. That the world - society - pushes against survivors as we strive to take our lives and freedoms back. We are brushed under the rug and, as I have recently experienced, not always seen or heard when we should be. Law does not protect us, or assist us in protecting our children. And many of the people we look to for support turn their heads the other way
It was their wedding anniversary. Ten years. She sat at the table and considered what she would write. Usually, words came easy for her. She could be honest when writing. She could bare her soul and let the words flow from it in beautiful form. Raw. Emotional. Stunning. But nothing came. She stared down at … Continue reading Worth a Dime
He stood in the bathroom doorway, their 2-year-old on his hip. "Quit being a bitch," he snarled. "You act like you're so fucking great, but you're a fucking dumb bitch!" She smeared foundation on her face. "Baby, do you want to watch Mickey?" The little girl squirmed in her father's arms, trying to get down. … Continue reading The Moment It ALL Changed
"Mom and Dad are coming for dinner tomorrow," she told him. "What time?" "Six. I'll have dinner ready." She smiled. "Cool." He looked back up at the television. "What are you making?" "I don't know yet. Maybe some Alfredo?" "Whatever." "You'll be home on time," she asked, her tone soft and hopeful. "With bells on," … Continue reading Birthday Cake
"Who was that?" He hung up the phone and rolled his eyes. "One of the cleaning ladies. Her husband is a real dick." She grimaced. "How so?" "He beats on her. Real asshole." With his free hand, he grabbed a beer from the fridge. "I'm going to beat his ass if he keeps it up." … Continue reading Insignificantly Significant
Her back was turned to him. His even breathing, slow and relaxed, confirmed he had already passed out. She slowly rose from the bed, wrapped her robe around her body, gathered her clothes off the floor, and crept out of the room. She peeked into the partially open door of the bedroom next to hers. … Continue reading Tears in a Pillow (Graphic Content Warning)
"His eyes looked empty." She'd read that line a million times, heard it a million more. But she'd never experienced it. Never understood what it meant to have "empty eyes," until now. They were void of all emotion. Black. Hollow. Like the door to the abyss swung open right before her. There was nothing. Not … Continue reading Empty Eyes
The sweet teas sat, guiltily untouched, in their rightful cup holders. How dare they be so expensive. How dare she quietly ask him to "stop" when he started bitching about the cost ($4.85 for two larges) in a voice that made the baby startle and the drive-thru worker look at her with pity.
She should have known better.
His voice boomed, clapping like thunder in the small SUV as they drove away from Wendy's. She drove silently, desperately trying to keep her tears at bay so not to upset him even more.
I am 36-years-old. I am a woman. A mother. A daughter. A sister. A cousin. A niece. A grand-daughter. An aunt. A friend. A girlfriend. A co-worker. A paralegal. A student. A writer. I am a fighter. A survivor. A warrior. A beautifully broken soul. It took fourteen years, five months, and eight days to “break” … Continue reading Breaking My Silence: Intro
I feel like my brain is spinning out of control regurgitating secrets of a forbidden black hole the color of life seeps out of my pores the desire to hide resides here no more I'm coming back from the dead, opening my eyes unearthing the truth and dispelling the lies I've got fresh air in … Continue reading Sing Me a Song